The Best song in the World

August 26, 2008

People are always talking about what their favorite song is, or what they think is the best song ever. If your friends/co-workers/family say any other song besides “Yackety Sax” (by Boots Randolph), they are wrong. Yackety Sax is the greatest song penned by mortal hands (Atomic Dog by George Clinton is the greatest song ever in reality. I’m still on the fence about George Clinton being human. He’s just too damn avdanced.)

He has a spaceship that runs on Funk.

Anyways, back to Yackety Sax. It is the greatest song in the world. You can play it anywhere and it fits. At a party? Sax ’em up. Wedding? Hit’em with the Sax. At the club, trying to get crunk? YACKETY SAX!!

For real, I want this shit played at my funeral while they carry my casket out of the church. Also, I want it filmed, and then sped up, and Yackety Sax dubbed in later, so that when someone watches it, my funeral procession will look like a chase scene from Benny Hill.

Yackety Sax makes anything funny. That is why it is the best ever. Don’t believe me? Look at this shit:

and this …… even crappy remakes

I love me some fuckin’ Yackety Sax, bitches.

It even makes a bunch of regular dudes tiling a roof watchable

Was the Passion of the Christ a tough movie for you to watch? Was it a bit too graphic for you? Well just toss in some Yackety Sax!!!11!!!!!!!111!!11oneoneone!!11eleventyone11!1



Words Help Ease the Suffering

August 14, 2008

Throughout time, people have used written words to express themselves and ease the troubles and pains of life. For as long as there have been words, poetry has been there. I use to make fun of people who claimed to be poets, until I needed a way to lighten my (and the rest of Eastern North Carolina’s) burden.

This summer, Bill McDonald has been unmerciful. The death toll is at about 62, and until yesterday the drought was unyielding. For whatever reason, he was seen flying around on the hovercraft he made out of old pizza boxes, chicken bones and apple cores (and powered by orphan tears), spitting boiling highlighter ink and cotter pins on the local crops. Why? Who knows. All I know is that a sacrifice must be made to appease the mighty bastard.

Until a suitable offering is made, I will ease the suffering with some haiku that we have written. The we refers to the Bill McDonald Alert Action First Response Team.

Bill McDonald gun
shoots herpies and ninja stars
humans can’t withstand
Bill McDonald hates Earth.
One day his plan will come true
Karate chop death
Bill McDonald. Beast
Superb Sexual Prowess
Skeets on your mother

Bill McDonald about to skeet on your mom
Bill McDonald about to skeet on your mom

A baby is missing

A dingo ate your baby?

No. Bill McDonald
Animals are scared
Nature knows who is the Boss
Even bears are scared

Killing with one punch
Killing with one punch

Pure Rage, Laser Breath
One punch instant death.
Bill McDonald pwnz

Keep your mouth shut, man
You’re a dead motherfucker
Bill McDonald’s here!

Bill McDonald’s car
Made of adamantium
and God’s skin. Awesome.

If you have a Bill McDonald Haiku you would like to share, feel free to send it in, or leave it in the comments. I will post another set of Haiku if needed.

A Haiku is a poem with three lines and a limited amount of syllables. it follows the syllable structure of 5,7,5. (If you didn’t know, now you do.)

***Thanks go to “Eric” for providing some extra haiku to help lessen the suffering.

Son of a Whore!!!!

August 1, 2008

I hate fucking losing. DAMNIT I hate that shit. I hate it more when I should win. I just lots to my boss’ brother in a game of chess. (yeah yeah, sometimes we do work over here) I was undefeated in the office till now.

It’s not that he beat me, but I got careless and made two bad moves. I am like boiling hot right now.

me right now

The thing that’s pissing me off now is it’s going to be a while before I can play dude again. I am going to not make any mistakes.

OK, rant over. Looking at tits always calms me down.

thanks tits

Oh one more thing. If you know who this girl is, please tell me. I have sworn to several deities that I will find her.