October 28, 2008

I just saw some pictures of this woman. She is super hot. I don’t care why she has pictures on the internet. I just care that they are there, and that I can look at them. I’m sure these pics are airbrushed all up, but so what? I would let her airbrush me in the face/eyes area if it meant I could … do stuff with her stuff, that involved touching my stuff to her stuff… I’m making an attempt to clean up my language in regards to sexual situations and stuff. I think the stuff this woman (who is named Alexis Lopez by the way) makes me think of doing is pretty hard core and will most likely make people wonder even more about my mental health. omg I am sick, and need some help, or a good tug job from a well manicured woman.


very nice

very nice



If you are a human male and this woman does not turn you on, you are gay. I even think gay dudes pop gay-hidden-hetero boners to this woman.

holy crap

edit: Go get Ghostface Killah’s Wallabee Champ and listen to it.


HFC Official Card Collecting Game

October 22, 2008

Yes, you read the title correctly. The HFc card collecting game is on it’s way to stores near you!! It’s like that game Magic the Gathering, except 100x better. The game features all the things that you know and love about CarolinaHaze, Eastern North Carolina, ass and tits, wild animals, and  Bill McDonald(or hate about Bill McDonald, he’s a beast).

The object of the game is to win by using the cards in your deck. All the cards have directions and shit written on them. If you are illiterate, then you can’t play. If you are illiterate, then you are a dumbass(and prolly not reading this, because you can’t, you non-reading diaper goat)

The cards are hand crafted by members of The Action Team. Each card is a work of art good enough to hang in a museum, or Olive Garden.

Here is a short preview of some of the cards.

PROTIP: Click on the pictures to make them get bigger.

YES!! I can feel the fun shooting out of these cards! As founder of the HFC and the Eastern North Carolina Bill McDonald Emergency Responce Team, and member of the Action Team, I would like to hear from the 3 of you who read this crap. If you have any ideas for interesting elements to add to the game in the form of a card, please let me know. Call, email, IM, telegraph, or smoke signal your boy. The game is a short ways from being completed, so if you want to see your idea as a card, holla.

Why you don’t ask……

October 10, 2008

skeet skeet skeet

For real tho – that shit is just for pornos. Ladies, please don’t let dudes skeet on your faces. One day you and I may meet, and I WILL ask you if you’ve ever let a guy bust on your face. Don’t lie because I’m awesome and you don’t want me to go(but if the answer is yes…. I might) Real talk, it’ll depend on your daily facial scrubbing routine and how long it’s been since the baby glue hit you in the grill. I have a set of charts and graphs detailing apropriate time and cleansing routines that I keep to myself. I don’t want any of y’all trying to sway your answers.

hhhmmm hmmmm hiiiiimm

Weak Ass Bitch

October 9, 2008

O.K. This is an open request to anyone who reads the crap I type. PLEASE!!!111!!!oneone!!1

Help me find more stuff like this:

and this…

or even this

C’mon y’all. I know you know where I can find some of this stuff. OR, do you know how to make a video like that? I got some ideas. Stop frontin like you don’t know how to. Get at me. Lets make some shit. Quit playin’ and c’mon. I’m telling you, if I find one with the Thundercats or Transformers, I’m going to lose it.

Oh yeah, cartoons that come on Saturday mornings suck balls now. They are weak as shit and suck ass.