Nature’s Greatest Champion and Worst Enemy

My research team has been hard at work. I gave them the task of finding out more helpful facts about Bill McDonald. Some of the things they turned up were unbelievable, other facts very believable. I will try to focus on the nature side of things. McDonald is a curious force when it comes to nature. At times he will cause tidal waves and tsunamis, and level entire coastlines. Other times he’s cuddling with baby sharks.

Whether he really does love nature, or he’s just keeping things green and alive until it’s time for him to devour us all, he is nature’s greatest champion and her worst enemy.

Fig-1. Bill is very fond of lions (mostly with mango salsa and rice pilaf)

Some more helpful facts about Bill McDonald.

Bill McDonald sweats Single Malt Scotch from one pore only.

He had his back skin replaced with snake leather that he tanned himself.

He dug the Panama Canal with two spoons and a pairing knife.

The amount of crude oil that it takes to keep his beard glossy is directly responsible for inflated gas prices.

He has single handedly eaten several types of fish into extinction.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm fish

Fig-2. Making sure the Eastern Freshwater Corsetail stays extinct.

Once while he was shaving his beard, he was struck by lightening. The electrified hair/shaving cream formed into what we call sasquatch.

His favorite lunchtime snack is alligator babies.

He can communicate with badgers and hawks by emitting a series clicks and whistles from his beard.

He has a pair of house slippers made from baby seal skins.

From April 23, 1980 until June 15, 1982 Bill traveled the globe writing the phrases “ya mum’s house” , “kiss my balls” , “Bill wuz here” , and “BMcD pwnz yoo” on every public restroom he came across.

What\'s really good?

Fig-3. What really killed the Crocodile Hunter.

***Thanks to Derelickt for the great research. He almost lost his life getting some of the close up pictures***


9 Responses to Nature’s Greatest Champion and Worst Enemy

  1. Casey says:

    i’m confused…i thought Bill McDonald’s sweat was ground beef?

  2. carolinahaze says:

    The scotch just comes from the one pore. From what I’ve heard, it sweats out perfectly aged with a smooth taste.

  3. Kevin says:

    Bill Braxby?
    And if he is such an Eastern Carolina legend, where and how does he get his bbq?

  4. Casey says:

    oh right…it all makes sense now. thanks for clarifying:)

  5. Kevin says:

    I do not like the very unmanly design next to my name.

  6. casey says:

    i bet that design would look good on a tiny polo tee….no????

  7. carolinahaze says:

    Here is a pic for you to use, Kev.

    It’s a manly pic of an elephant gone berserk.

  8. Kevin says:

    Very manly. Dexter Manley, even.

  9. […] boiling highlighter ink and cotter pins on the local crops. Why? Who knows. All I know is that a sacrifice must be made to appease the mighty […]

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