One of The Most Epic IMs Ever

November 13, 2009

I give you Fart Baby: The IM

Haze of Carolina (3:23:14 PM): i think i just gave this pregnant lady’s baby brain damage
kingkobra (3:23:24 PM): u farted?
Haze of Carolina (3:23:24 PM): i went into her office and farted a “had chilli at lunch” fart
kingkobra (3:23:33 PM): ew
Haze of Carolina (3:23:36 PM): it smelled like old beans and roast goat ass
kingkobra (3:24:28 PM): did she say anything?
Haze of Carolina (3:24:53 PM): no, but i think she was just afraid to open her mouth
kingkobra (3:25:03 PM): lol
Haze of Carolina (3:25:03 PM): her eyes started watering up
Haze of Carolina (3:25:16 PM): i left and closed the door behind me
kingkobra (3:25:28 PM): u my good sir…are a bastard
kingkobra (3:25:40 PM): that is something you do to people you hate
Haze of Carolina (3:26:02 PM): that’s for my co-workers. it’s a fun game we play
kingkobra (3:26:08 PM): lol
Haze of Carolina (3:26:15 PM): i do stuff to them and they get mad
kingkobra (3:26:25 PM): see how long you can stay in a room with a chili fart before you take your own life
Haze of Carolina (3:26:41 PM): lol
Haze of Carolina (3:28:23 PM): yes. i win. she sprayed herself in the face with some aerisol air freshener
kingkobra (3:29:13 PM): she might give birth to a baby that can create super farts
kingkobra (3:29:22 PM): kinda like falling in toxic waste
Haze of Carolina (3:34:20 PM): yes… or a baby that depends on farts to stay alive
kingkobra (3:34:47 PM): lol
kingkobra (3:34:51 PM): a fart breather
kingkobra (3:35:23 PM): he would need like a contraption that has a hose that runs from his but to his nostrils
Haze of Carolina (3:35:41 PM): people would have to harvest fart gas for him
Haze of Carolina (3:36:26 PM): 100s of whale and manatee asses all hooked up to fart tanks
kingkobra (3:37:09 PM): they would have a telethon for him…and people would contribute up to 100 farts
Haze of Carolina (3:38:40 PM): if he couldnt afford the tanks, he’d turn to a life of crime. instead of raping chicks, he feeds them broccoli and beans
kingkobra (3:39:26 PM): and he would recruit suicide bombers to hit the beano factories
Haze of Carolina (3:39:36 PM): lol
Haze of Carolina (3:39:52 PM): that might cause a fart holocaust
Haze of Carolina (3:40:15 PM): rot out the o-zone and send us into nuclear fart winter
kingkobra (3:40:20 PM): there would be a flatulent fallout
Haze of Carolina (3:40:24 PM): haahaa
Haze of Carolina (3:40:48 PM): the mutants wouldn’t be dangerous, they would just stink

kingkobra (3:44:22 PM): i wonder if a fart breather has gills?
kingkobra (3:44:37 PM): i kinda think of the thing from hell boy…that fish dude
Haze of Carolina (3:44:59 PM): maybe if he lives underwater he breathes shark farts
kingkobra (3:46:51 PM): and if his life of crime doesn’t pan out, he could cut a record deal by playing the butt trumpet

yes, there’s more to this one… to be continued…

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You Remember This One?

November 11, 2009

I like watching movies, but lately Hollywood has been shitting on me. 2012? seriously? That boring ass Paranormal Activity… trash. G.I. Joe? That movie raped the shit out of the awesome that was the Real American Hero. Transformers 2… fucking crappy fx porn with a goat ass story thrown in. A planned remake of the Karate Kid? With Will Smith’s kid as Daniel-son… fucking garbage.

Outside of Zombieland, I have been super pissed after leaving the movies this year. So, I have been watching movies from back in the day that I remember loving. Some of them didn’t stand up to the test of time and I wanted to boot myself in the face for liking it back then (uuuggghhh pure fucking garbage). Then there where the “classics”. The movies that are still great and have aged quite well. Movies like The Dirty Dozen, Gremlins , Jaws, Drunken Master, just to name a few, have remained fantastic examples of badassedness. They never get old, and I can always watch them.

Anyways, I was thinking about some great movies from back in the day, and Flash Gordon poped into my head. I had not seen it in years and years. As I thought about it, all I really could remember was the main Flash Gordon theme song (penned by the mighty Queen). So, I found a copy and watched the movie. It was fantastic! The movie captures the camp and tone of the original serial comic strip perfectly. Hell, it’s got Timothy Dalton AND Brian Blessed in it!

flash_gordon_xlg

Did I mention Queen did the soundtrack?!? The music for Flash Gordon rocks pretty fucking hard. Like make you want to get hyped up and fly a jet speeder into battle with winged warriors and attack a War Rocket manned by space warriors. YES!

In my humble opinion, of all the bullshit they pick to rape for more money with little effort “remake” I hope they leave this movie alone (which they probbably will…). This one is good as is.

Find this one at your local video store, or Netflix it. Get you some purple, some popcorn and a few friends and have a great time watching a classic fucking movie.