Do Yall Remember When….

I was in the laboratory cooking up million dollar ideas and I came across a box with some cassettes in it. They were mostly Pause Tapes* I made back in the day.  If you have never made a Pause Tape, you are a young’in.

Anyways, I found an old walkman that magically still worked. I spent the rest of the day listening to old tapes, and hating music today. Then I went out front and yelled at some kids to quit playing by my lawn. On the way back inside, I fell and broke my hip. It’s cool tho- I got life alert.

Enough of me typing crap. Look at this stuff and remember how good it was. Then get all your cash together and send it to me.

…… I had this on cassette and CD (when CDs came out)

OK yall. Main Source was my shit. I can’t find their joint “Snake Eyes”. It had the sample from a beer commercial at the beginning.. hrmph. I’ll just have to get my fix at home, on cassette.

LONS!

I bought the cassette single to this one.

ok… that’s all for now.

*Pause Tape is what you call home made recorded tapes. The name comes from hitting pause on the blank tape while the next song is prepared. It is not a mix tape. Mix Tapes were made and mixed by DJs like Dirty Harry, DJ JUICE, DJ Screw (the king/creator of “Screw Tapes“)

Getting all Political on that Ass

Here’s some stuff I have seen in the past few days. Take what you will from it. Make sure you watch this shit. I mean it. I usually don’t get all into politics and shit, but this go-round is so full of comedy and fail. It’s funny stuff, but it fuckin sucks because it’s my country that sucks balls and not some other spot on the globe.

This one is of Crazy Palin getting her weird Jesus cult to cast a spell of protection on her @ 8:40 or so(it’s a long ass video). The audio is a little out of sync.

(protection spell grants Palin +2 Vitality, +15 Defence, +6 Charisma, resist silence)

Here’s a link explaining the cult.

How much different are these religious fanatics than the Middle Eastern ones? How long before God tells one of them to become a martyr?

Here’s some more shit about that crazy cult. It’s a bunch of reading.

Third Wave of the Holy Spirit

New Apostolic Reformation

That’s enough of her. Now, why’s McCain lieing to Letterman? This is Letterman’s monolouge after McCain canceles on him right before the show saying he has to catch a plane to Washington so he can save the economy. Next on the clip is fill-in guest Kieth Oberman watching what McCain really did. A different interview.

I would put up some shit on Obama, but well….. I can’t find anything as batshit crazy as this shit.(except for Jesse Jackson wanting to melon ball Obama’s coin purse) Seriously what the fuck?

Oh, if one more Republican complains about the economy to me, I’m going to uppercut that ass. Them stupid dickholes voted the worst president this country has ever seen into office twice, and they have the nerve to complain about it now? Fuck that shit! They made their beds, and now WE have to lay in them?

Bill McDonald please help us, without killing us.

Nature’s Greatest Champion and Worst Enemy

My research team has been hard at work. I gave them the task of finding out more helpful facts about Bill McDonald. Some of the things they turned up were unbelievable, other facts very believable. I will try to focus on the nature side of things. McDonald is a curious force when it comes to nature. At times he will cause tidal waves and tsunamis, and level entire coastlines. Other times he’s cuddling with baby sharks.

Whether he really does love nature, or he’s just keeping things green and alive until it’s time for him to devour us all, he is nature’s greatest champion and her worst enemy.

Fig-1. Bill is very fond of lions (mostly with mango salsa and rice pilaf)

Some more helpful facts about Bill McDonald.

Bill McDonald sweats Single Malt Scotch from one pore only.

He had his back skin replaced with snake leather that he tanned himself.

He dug the Panama Canal with two spoons and a pairing knife.

The amount of crude oil that it takes to keep his beard glossy is directly responsible for inflated gas prices.

He has single handedly eaten several types of fish into extinction.

Fig-2. Making sure the Eastern Freshwater Corsetail stays extinct.

Once while he was shaving his beard, he was struck by lightening. The electrified hair/shaving cream formed into what we call sasquatch.

His favorite lunchtime snack is alligator babies.

He can communicate with badgers and hawks by emitting a series clicks and whistles from his beard.

He has a pair of house slippers made from baby seal skins.

From April 23, 1980 until June 15, 1982 Bill traveled the globe writing the phrases “ya mum’s house” , “kiss my balls” , “Bill wuz here” , and “BMcD pwnz yoo” on every public restroom he came across.

Fig-3. What really killed the Crocodile Hunter.

***Thanks to Derelickt for the great research. He almost lost his life getting some of the close up pictures***

The Places We Live

My House!

I’ve been thinking about the places I’ve lived throughout the years, and I’m wondering if some of yalls’ hoods have some stuff in common with mine. I’m going to list out some stuff. Let me know how much of this stuff is in your hood.

1. Cat Lady. You know the lady with either a million cats all over the place (and when you go to see her, you get cat hair all over you.. even if you don’t go in her house- she has a cat hair-shield that attacks any non-cats) or one cat that she treats like a human. She puts little shirts and cat-pants on it… or like a little stupid hat.

2. Ghost Neighbor. The person who lives in the house/apartment that never has any lights on at night, but you know someone lives there(even though you have never seen anyone move in or out.) You never see the person pull up, or drive away… then all of a sudden you look outside and there is Neighbor Ghost looking at you like you are wrong.

3. Crack-head/ Junkie. I say junkie cause now with folks doin Meth and smack or whatever the hell you call them new crazy ass drugs, crack is not the worst drug anymore(don’t get it twisted crack-heads, yall still need a well placed uppercut to the splean). Even if you live in a ‘nice’ neighborhood, there are prolly some junkies around there.

4. Pervert/Sex Fiend. This one is hard to spot sometimes. Sometimes this one is hard when you spot him. For a while they thought it was me in my neighborhood, but that’s not it at all. I just don’t give a fuck. Sometimes when you come over, I might be nekkid. That’s how I roll. It’s my crib. If folks don’t like it, then go away. Don’t come in and be trying not to stare, then get mad later like “damn Haze was naked with his dong all hanging out making grilled cheese sandwiches…pervert”

5. The Borrower. This is my least favorite of all. These bastards come by all friendly like ”hey neighbor… how you doin?… can I borrow some ground beef?” or something equally stupid. Then when you say NO, they get mad like ‘why can’t I use your stuff? You asshole.” (that’s when they get the ninja monkey uppercut from behind the bushes)

6. The Wild-ass Strong Baby. Yes baby, not kid or child…. baby… no older than 3. The one that you see shoot out of the car seat before the car has stopped… By the time the car has stopped the baby has already; tipped over 2 garbage cans,
broke somebody’s mailbox, drop-kicked the sweater off Cat Lady’s Persian Tabby, and threw a cinder block through Pervert’s un-marked van window. The baby be off the hook, and you can always hear him/her coming.

That’s all the ones I can think of right now. I know I left out a ton. lemme know who’s in your neighborhood!