Fear and Respect… but Mostly Fear

Fear and respect. I think of these two things when I think about wild lions and tigers, or silver-back gorillas. Some people think about other powerful animals, that could easily kill them, with fear and respect. I think about Bill McDonald when I think about fear and respect. I want to let everyone who is not a resident of eastern NC know about the glorious majesty and sheer gut wrenching horror that is Bill McDonald.

Some people ask me “Why do you compliment him and insult him in the same sentence?”

My answer is this: he is no mortal man. (because he hears all in his domain)

To help you understand, I have done some research with some friends of mine (Kelvin and Derilickt). We have put some of our more interesting finds into a nice list for you. Photos will be added as I get the hang of using a computer (for more than downloading porn and video games).

Facts about Bill McDonald:

On the weekends he paddles a canoe made from melted Gatorade bottles up and down the Tar River. He feeds off of fish he catches with his beard.

He has a jacket made out of dolphin skin, manatee fins and orphan tears.

He was once arrested for looking at a kiddie-porn magazine but was quickly released. He thought he was reading a menu.

He sweats ground beef and cries A-1sauce. (we’re speculating on the A-1sauce, as no one has EVER seen Bill McDonald cry).

McPimpin\'

fig 1. Has won Pimp of the Year award for the last 13 years.

His favorite snack is gorilla heart.

The movie “Dawn of the Dead” is really a docudrama about Bill McDonald’s 3rd grade science project.

He has participated in every major armed conflict since 1320.

He invented the clock radio.

WWII Pacific conflict comes to an end.

fig 2. Armed only with his hand-crafted guitar, Bill McDonald wins WWII by destroying Hiroshima and Nagasaki. *Extra Fact* While listening to historic recordings at the library, guitarist Jimmy Page was inspired to learn the guitar. Parts of “Stairway to Heaven” contain some of Bill McDonald’s weaker compositions from back then.

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2 Responses to Fear and Respect… but Mostly Fear

  1. isa says:

    Great! I love it!

  2. […] Bill McDonald please help us, without killing us. […]

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