Power Bird

I have always had a love for animals. They are cool when they are trained. As a child, I had a number of dogs and cats. My mother is allergic to them, so they had to stay out of the house. After a while I stopped with the pets. I have always wanted to get a new pet, but I can’t seem to plan a time to go get one, or figure out what kind of pet I want.

Today, I have seen the light, thanks to a friend of mine (Derelickt). He showed me a video of my next pet.

Look at this fucking bird!!!

(I hope this vid works. I’m not too knowledgeable about putting vids into stuff)

So, yeah. I want a powerful bird, like the eagle from this vid. I can’t begin to imagine the fun we could have. People say birds are stupid, hence the phrase “bird brain”. Lets see you call this bird stupid to it’s face, and do it unarmed. Even with a gun, I think this bird will rip the gun from your hands, and toss your hating ass off a cliff (if you are indeed an attack-bird hater).

To those of you who know me, I will answer the question burning in your minds right now.

“CarolinaHaze, how are you going to get money with an attack bird?”

The question should be “will you ever stop getting paid off that bird?” If I give away all my bird-money plans in this public blog (even though nobody reads my ramblings), there will be hundreds of giant half robot eagles wreaking havoc across the globe, grabbing up babies and shopping carts.

We can’t have that. The first thing I’m going to teach my bird is how to spot take-out bags of food. I mean, who would be on the lookout for a giant power eagle that steals bags of food? I will start training it on some light weight stuff like Wendy’s or Burger King Bags. Next, we’ll kick it up a notch and I’ll teach it to carry Chinese food take-out trays. Pretty soon, I’ll have it powerful enough to snatch up pizza delivery bag/boxes (that weird half sack-half box thing that keeps the pizzas warm).

This is my idea. If you see a bird flying off with a burger or a thing of fries, it’s prolly one of my new pets working for it’s food by feeding me. Ahhhhh… nature is great.Power Bird hates stuff

A bird with a nasty mean streak is best to start training. Birds that can use flamethrowers are even better

****HEY!!! If you or somebody you know can tell me how to embed the video into the post, instead of linking to it, please tell me how!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!11!!111!!!!oneoneone!!!!1

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5 Responses to Power Bird

  1. Kevin says:

    As a professional deliverer of food, I should give you this fair warning: There is a training video in the industry that we all watch. It covers your little scenario almost word for word. We are trained to watch out for ninjas, birds, deer, large cats, monkeys, Chris Washburn and graphic designers.

  2. carolinahaze says:

    This video you speak of, is it exclusive to those in your industry? As for Washburn being a delivery threat, does he hide and then jump out and snatch food? He seems to be way too tall to effectively hide anywhere…. OR does he team up with some of the others in the video.

    I can’t imagine the nightmare of Chris Washburn forming an alliance with deer, monkeys and large cats so that they can pilfer delivery routs.

    Oh. Do the monkeys wear people clothes in the video?

  3. Kevin says:

    Come to think of it, it was Lorenzo Charles, not Chris Washburn, that was in the video. My bad C Dubb.

    Are we the only bastards that read this blog. And aren’t you the author? Doesn’t that make me King Bastard?
    Just for fun…Aerial (sp) George

  4. carolinahaze says:

    You’re not the only bastard who reads my crap. You’re the only one who comments… well a person named Billy posted a wall of text in the comments of another post up here.

    Didn’t Washburn play for your guys G-State for his short pro career?

    Aerial George wasn’t a bad guy, his parents were dumbasses and gave him a girl’s name. I mean did they even consider he would have to go to school with other children? I don’t remember about the other kids back then, but I teased him constantly.

  5. Kevin says:

    Why the hell do you think I root for G-State?
    It’s amazing how the choices one makes at age 8 can affect one’s life well into his or her 30’s.
    Go Pack! Go Mets! Go G-State! Go Canes! Go Saints! Go Wendy’s! Go Target! Go Beta! Go HDDVD! Go Turbo Graphics 16! Go PBR (FUCK YOU MILLWAUKEE CHICK)!
    And as always…Wu Tang is Here Forever…motha fuckas

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