Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it’s true.

I don’t usually talk/type/write about bathroom humor. Well, unless it’s a dog taking a dump. For whatever reason in the universe, it makes me laugh EVERY time. I mean EVERY TIME. People taking a dump is a different story. Not so funny…. Farting on the other hand… now THAT is funny.

I’m sure you know that men and women treat farts very differently. Most men (no matter what they try to tell you) are very proud of their farts. Some men have contests, or rivalry type battles with their farting(can be dangerous when innocent bystanders get caught in the crossfire).

Some people have put farts into different classifications based on sound, smell, and duration. I’m sure most men will readily admit to performing or being witness to at least 3 of the farts on that list(in link above).

Women, however will not. It takes lots of prying and clever words to get the average woman to talk about farts. Is it because farts come out of butts, and smell bad? I often wondered why it was like that. That got me to thinking, who are the butts of most fart pranks? That’s right, women. Almost EVERY woman I know has a fart story that makes them shed tears (in a sad way). A prank perpetrated by Dad, brother, cousin, boyfriend, husband,mom/grandma, is usually enough to scar a female into hating farts.

I have been talking to women about farts lately. I have been trying to find what incident it was that made them hate farts(could be why I’m not getting past date #3 lately).

The stories have been fantastic tales of legendary farts that have seriously damaged some of these women. Well, they don’t think the stories are the stuff of legend, but if they were to tell another man….. he might propose on the spot, just to be married to legend.

One girl told me about a car fart that lasted until the car was sold. Another told me about a Dutch Oven her ex-boyfriend gave her that made her pass out. One woman told me of an ex who farted the color out of the seat of his favorite chair. Others include farts making a girl’s hair frizz out, and one story of barnyard animals attacking(remember, I live in the country)

The main point I’m getting at is this: Women, don’t hide your farts and their stories. I know that they may evoke painful memories, but we can’t let some of these tales get lost.

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4 Responses to Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it’s true.

  1. Kevin says:

    Why do farts smell different at the beach? And why do they smell even more horrible than usual when exerted right after a shower. And have you ever had a shower fart that smelled like a beach fart? It’s transcending.

  2. carolinahaze says:

    Farts smell different at the beach for a few reasons. The main one being the salty air. It’s like the air preserves them, and makes the smell travel farther. As for the shower ones… it’s ’cause you’re nekkid, and theres nothing absorbing the funk(unless you fart into your towel/washcloth. trust me DO NOT WANT)

  3. Billy says:

    To attach a gender stigma to bodily functions is very ignorant and ridiculous to put it mildly. There’s no data or proof that women and men treat farts differently. I’ve known men who think farting is nasty and un-funny and women who think it’s very funny. As a matter of fact, I have 4 half brothers and 3 half sisters and the sisters are every bit as proud of their private and public farts as the brothers, even more so actually! I’ve been friends with girls that would fart and not care. I had a girlfriend once that would fart from the first date on! I was sort of seeing this one chick who constantly let them rip and was proud! I even went on a date with this girl once, a fine lookin gal, too! We were eating in a restaurant and she hiked up on one butt cheek, strained with veins popping, and she ripped a loud fart right there at the table on purpose! This was a first date too! Me and her both laughed hysterically! She said she was mad because it didn’t stink! Most women I’ve met , whether a loud, proud farter or not still think farting is funny! Potty humor is a universal humor. All kids, boys and girls both, love farting and think it’s equally funny! Now, there’s no genetic schism that takes place between girls and boys that cause boys to continue thinking farting is funny into adulthood while girls grow up and suddenly start thinking it’s horrible and disgusting! It’s not gender-based! There’s plenty of men and women that think farting is equally detestable, and there’s plenty of men and women that equally think it’s very humorous! Men and women don’t treat farts different! Certain men and certain women treat farts different! If there’s anything to the men/women fart difference, it’s society and false masks. Society expects women, especially in the past, to be more reserved, more “refined” and more, womanly (however that applies to nature)! Men were expected to be this way too. However, just as fornication was wrong for men and women, but because society was the way it was, men could get away with promiscuity far more than women could! Same goes for other things. These double standards, though weakened considerably, still exist today! Many women in the white collar world will publically denounce any humor towards farting as will many white collar men! But talk to your average joe or jane that is middle-to-lower class who goes to the juke joints, goes muddin, goes fishin, huntin, you know, the country or small town folks, and you’ll learn that just as many women as men will rip farts loud and proud!

  4. carolinahaze says:

    Holy ass, Billy. WALL OF TEXT TL;DR! Maybe you should be writing about whatever it is you put up here in you own blog, it’s certainly long enough. I stopped reading after your first date story.

    I can just imagine the level of class and sophistication of a woman who claps one off on a first date. Nice find. Did her poot flute make your food taste funny? Did you smell it? Did anyone else smell it?

    All those words and you didn’t even finish the date story. dumbass

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