Once I win the lottery, I am going to buy a monkey. I will train it to uppercut people. It will be awesome. I will build a backpack with a step ladder on it. It will convert to a chair when it’s on my back, so the uppercut monkey can ride around on my back. When it’s uppercut time the uppercut monkey will get down, pull out the step ladder and uppercut someone. The first few uppercuts will be filmed for the internet.
After it catches on, I will get a T.V. Show. It’ll be like “Who Wants to be A Millionaire” except it will be called “Who Wants to get Uppercuted by a Strong Monkey”. The show will be a hit, and Regis will want to host the week long prime time special.
Some people keep telling me that I HAVE NOT thought this out. They are all like “The monkey will get too strong and uppercut you in your sleep.”, or “You will come home and it will be behind the door waiting to uppercut you.” “Not true!” I say to them. You see, I will only teach the monkey to uppercut with one arm. It will have a super powerful uppercut arm and the other arm will be regular monkey size. It will be easy. Once I walk through the door, I’ll know that the monkey is there.
From the research I have done(watching Animal Planet) I know that a monkey is not good at hiding. Anyways, I will dodge the super monkey uppercut arm and counter with an uppercut of my own. Since it is a monkey, it will go about 5 feet in the air. when it lands, I will tell it “Nice try Uppercut Monkey, but I was uppercutting animals long before you were born.”
As for me being asleep when the uppercut monkey comes to get me, I will have an uppercut machine built into my bedroom. It will have a boxing glove on a spring loaded stick that will pop out when the uppercut monkey gets too close to the bed. Yes, there is no monkey that will ever get the drop on me. ANYWAYS, my T.V. show will win an Emmy or two, and I will retire the original uppercut monkey. Then I will have a reality show to find the next uppercut monkey. It will be awsome. I will take a camera crew to the jungle and find the next monkey with the most devestating uppercut potential.
Yup, my future is pretty secure. Do me a favor and keep your eyes open for any sweet deals on monkeys for sale.