Plans for the Cash #34

I was watching a show on Discovery a little while ago, and it got me to thinking. I have a large sum of money coming to me in the near future (NC State Lotto), and I have been thinking about what I am going to do with that money. I thought about getting a monkey, and training it to uppercut people. I also am going to hire a team of scientist and make them build me a giant robot. There are other plans for my lotto money, but this may be the idea that keeps the money rolling in.

I am going to buy a huge plot of land in the mid-west somewhere. When I say huge, I mean like 500 acres. I’m going to build a theme park/resort. It will be the greatest park in our known galaxy. ‘What ever will you call it?’ you are prolly asking yourself right now. I will name it Hayes’ Thugged-out Action Fun Zoo Park Land World. It will be more fun than All of the Disney Land Worlds put together. ‘And just why will it be so great?’ You’re prolly asking yourself right now. Well I’ll tell you why, because I made it. That’s why. It will have all the fun stuff I think is great.

It will have a golf course, driving range, a zoo (full of kick-ass dangerous animals), a shooting range, race tracks (a quarter mile drag strip, and a kick-ass Indy style track… sorry no NASCAR), fun roller coaster rides, a strip club or three, a beer river, a bottomless pit, 20 restaurants, a mountain, a UFC fighting cage, Holiday Land (where everyday is a holliday), Ninja Land (where real ninjas live and try to kill all who enter), a Chuck Norris shrine (we must always make offerings to The Bringer of the Round-house Kick), Battle Animal Land (where super dangerous animals from the zoo square off against each other in deadly battles), and 12 hotels ranging in quality from ‘shit hole’ to ‘5 star awsomeness’.

This park will also serve as the base for the greatest organization of all time HFC (if you don’t know about the HFC, you really need to ask someone). In the HFC complex, it will be business as usual. My scientist will be working on the next great discoveries, like combining animal DNA to create new and dangerous killer animal species.

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