Stuff you should look at

I like stuff. I know you like stuff too. Here is some stuff that I like. Look at it.

Listen to this while you read some stuff. It’s a song made up of sampled youTube vids of people playing music. I know that sounds weak, but it’s dope as hell, so look at it.

Listen to the Slap-Chop dude kick it ‘84 style.

This stuff is so over the top, you’ll put on 10lbs just looking at the pictures

Rosario Dawson is super hot. I mean damn. I would fight 57 starrioded up gorillas just fot the chance to lightly tickle her upper ankle with a feather, while she spreads  baby oil and strawberry jam on my head and neck area with a wooden spoon.

A super dope Quentin Tarrentino mash-up.

One of the worst things I’ve seen on the interwebs today.

Feel better by looking at the epicness of these fails

Yall think I’m all tough all the time. I like cute stuff too…

Observations made in line at KFC

Best website that you better not look at while at work! (seriously, it’s NSFW at all)

Finding CarolinaHaze

I was thinking about some things in my past. I have not always been the upstanding human that I am today. At one point in my history, I was a bit of a bastard to women. Nothing criminal (well, some stolen CDs..) but crappy and mean spirited. I stumbled across this website called “I Bang the Worst Dudes“.

You can all breath a sigh of relief, I or any of my actions have not made it to that site. Take a look through there, you may see someone you know.

Note to young dudes: Don’t be a dick. Don’t be a cheap ass.

Ummmm….well..err…uhhh

Japan, WTF?

I’m just asking…

Good Damn TV

Real quick, yall. Here’s two shows that you should check out, when you get the chance.

1. Eastbound and Down.

It’s funny as hell. Takes place in Shelby, North Carolina (represent bitches). Will Farrel has a recurring character on the show, who looks like a skinny Ric Flair. Kenny Powers will be your new hero. Here are some clips from the first season….

C.R.E.A.M.

Show #2 is the definition of badass.

2. Deadliest Warrior. Scientists pick two warriors from all of Earth’s history and see who would win if they fought one on one. They gather up experts on the different fighting styles and then study their weapons and techniques. The show just started. Week one was Apache vs Gladiators.

Tonight’s match-up(as of Apr 14) is Viking vs Samurai. Yeah, I know, fucking awesome. What makes it even more awesome is that the experts from each fighting style are always about a hair away from really fighting. They talk shit to each other the entire show. Just look at what the hell they have lined up for future shows!!1!!oneoneone!!!

Pirate vs. Knight, Taliban vs. IRA, Yakuza vs. Mafia, Viking vs. Samurai, Green Beret vs. Spetznaz, Maori vs. Shaolin Monks, William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu and Ninja vs. Spartan! I’m about to pass out from badass overload.

Here is the beginning of the first episode.

Watch the full ep. here

Tuesday night at 10pm, don’t call me, because I’ll be watching this show.

People Feeling Special

Yall, this shit made me laugh my ass off, and the “backlash” made me laugh even more. Look at the comments and have a good laugh, or be sad for America’s masses. People are all getting mad about what one person (who they never met) said to another person (who they never met). Wow.

Listen to this, and then read this.

Here is the thing, in case you are a lazy bastard

The Rawest Dude You Never Heard Of vol 1

We all know of people who are badasses in real life. We have all seen some badassmotherfuckers in movies and T.V. I am going to start featuring some of these badasses. You should know about them. “Why?” you ask…. because everybody needs some inspiration from time to time.

Hopefully the folks I put up are going to be so raw animal badass, that you are inspired to go do something awesome, like scissor-kick somebody from off the top of a moving bus….

^this, because I couldn't find any pics of a guy flipping off a bus... and it's fucking badass.

……. or do a front flip over your desk at work and then jump out the window and land in your car… then do a burnout.. You might also be inspired to go do some community service and help out people less fortunate than yourself, you stingy bastard. (just kidding, but for realz… you know you got some money/time)

Anyways…..

Today’s badass is Cüneyt Arkin (don’t ask me how to pronounce that shit.) He is so badass he had to change his original name because people’s jaws were becoming disjointed trying to say it. It is Fahrettin Cüreklibatur. Seriously, that is a badass name. He is Turkish, and a movie star. He’s Turkish Luke Skywalker from Turkish Star Wars. This dude’s been in 300+ movies and directed about 25 or so.

He is on some real fight action too. One time a guy on the set of one of his movies said Cüneyt Arkin didn’t really know any martial arts, so Arkin broke the dude’s leg with a deadly karate move. He learned how to ride horses and flip around in the Russian Circus. He’s a doctor. Google this dude.

Here’s a short bio of this Turkish badass

1:00 is the some of the best evidence on film of what scientists like to call Beast Mode

One of the Greatest Movies Ever Made in History

We’ve all seen, or heard of Star Wars*. Well back in the day, some countries couldn’t get the real deal movie. To make up for this, they made their own versions of our movies. I started looking at a few of these foreign joints. Most of them suck ferret buttholes… Turkish Superman, Indian Superman (with Spiderwoman**?), Turkish Rambo (wait. this clip is actually badass) Turkish E.T. (holy what the fuck?!?)

There’s one other joint so fucking awesome I can’t even put it in the same post as T.Star Wars. Your computer would melt. Alls I’ll say is, Capitain America and the mexican wrestler El Santo vs Evil Spiderman. oh yes.

Anyways, if you looked at any of those links(like you should) you know what I’m talking about.

Before I Post up the vids, here’s a few spots to look for:

1:09 Spliced in clips from Original Star Wars

2:24 wtf? the Muppets and the cast from Sesme Street getting the shit beat out of them?!? (yes and it is better than anything you can imagine)

3:05 Turkish Luke starts punching heads off

3:34 Turkish Luke does battle with mummies

5:11 T. Luke fights… idunno what in the damn they are supposed to be.

6:48 Turkish Darth Vader magics his spear into huge ninja stars

There is just so much awesome jam packed into this one 10 minute scene that I’m sure I left something out. Please feel free to point out anything you think I missed. Get ready!

YES!!!!

Here’s the training montage for this one. It’s how Turkish Luke gets so beast. It has different music. The original montage has the Raiders of the Lost Arc  theme music. I just like this one better…

That’s enough awesome for this one post. Turkish Luke Skywalker is raw beast unchained.

*If you have never seen the original Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope, I recommend seeing it. It is a good movie with lots of movie fun in it.

**Indian Spider Woman, I want to do things to/in your body while Indian Superman sings us a love song.

Do Yall Remember When….

I was in the laboratory cooking up million dollar ideas and I came across a box with some cassettes in it. They were mostly Pause Tapes* I made back in the day.  If you have never made a Pause Tape, you are a young’in.

Anyways, I found an old walkman that magically still worked. I spent the rest of the day listening to old tapes, and hating music today. Then I went out front and yelled at some kids to quit playing by my lawn. On the way back inside, I fell and broke my hip. It’s cool tho- I got life alert.

Enough of me typing crap. Look at this stuff and remember how good it was. Then get all your cash together and send it to me.

…… I had this on cassette and CD (when CDs came out)

OK yall. Main Source was my shit. I can’t find their joint “Snake Eyes”. It had the sample from a beer commercial at the beginning.. hrmph. I’ll just have to get my fix at home, on cassette.

LONS!

I bought the cassette single to this one.

ok… that’s all for now.

*Pause Tape is what you call home made recorded tapes. The name comes from hitting pause on the blank tape while the next song is prepared. It is not a mix tape. Mix Tapes were made and mixed by DJs like Dirty Harry, DJ JUICE, DJ Screw (the king/creator of “Screw Tapes“)

Better than Deal or No Deal?

Just kidding, that show is weak. This is the real Deal or No Deal, if it involved saying Japanese phrases and letting a machine catapult a hammer into your nuts.

Here’s some shit from the CarolinaHaze Archives. It’s good stuff. Hammergoat.

Weak Ass Bitch

Yakkety Sax is Pure Win for all time

Bert and Ernie Anti Up.

Somebody help me find this girl. (the girl at the end of the post… anybody?)

C’mon yall, help me out! Please!

I just heard about some interweb mash-ups and remixes to a Bowflex commercial. It’s the commercial where the douchebag is all smug and at the end he says “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends”. Well some people remixed that commercial, and I need to see it.

If you know of this commercial and have links (that still work) olease share them with me. I need to see that shit. It’s driving me bat-sack-ape-shit crazy because apparently the whole interweb has seen it, except me. I need links to it, or something! I’m really going nuts and I am going to eat my printer if I don’t see that damn vid.

C’mon yall! Im going crazy for realz.