Quick!!!!

Hey!!

Please somebody tell me I’m not the only one who remembers mess like this!!!

I NEED 19.99 + 3.00(Shipping & handling) RIGHT NOW

When I came across this stuff, I was like “Why don’t we have cool crap like this now?” Then I realized that we never will. All the scientists are working on better workout machines, meds for made up stuff(Restless Leg Syndrome*) and fat burning pills.

I have a question for y’all. What is the name of the toy from back in the day that was a rope that went around your ankle, the other end if the rope(or string) had a plastic ball that swung around and the object of the game was to use your tied up leg to swing the ball and then jump the stretched out rope part.

I’m still trying to find pictures or a name for it on Google.

Oh!! look what I found

If you didn’t have one of these back in the day, you knew someone who did.

*We as a species are not that frail. We do not need meds for EVERYTHING. Half of the time, the possible side effects of the meds are 10x worse than what they cure (hello anal bleeding).

Nature’s Greatest Champion and Worst Enemy

My research team has been hard at work. I gave them the task of finding out more helpful facts about Bill McDonald. Some of the things they turned up were unbelievable, other facts very believable. I will try to focus on the nature side of things. McDonald is a curious force when it comes to nature. At times he will cause tidal waves and tsunamis, and level entire coastlines. Other times he’s cuddling with baby sharks.

Whether he really does love nature, or he’s just keeping things green and alive until it’s time for him to devour us all, he is nature’s greatest champion and her worst enemy.

Fig-1. Bill is very fond of lions (mostly with mango salsa and rice pilaf)

Some more helpful facts about Bill McDonald.

Bill McDonald sweats Single Malt Scotch from one pore only.

He had his back skin replaced with snake leather that he tanned himself.

He dug the Panama Canal with two spoons and a pairing knife.

The amount of crude oil that it takes to keep his beard glossy is directly responsible for inflated gas prices.

He has single handedly eaten several types of fish into extinction.

Fig-2. Making sure the Eastern Freshwater Corsetail stays extinct.

Once while he was shaving his beard, he was struck by lightening. The electrified hair/shaving cream formed into what we call sasquatch.

His favorite lunchtime snack is alligator babies.

He can communicate with badgers and hawks by emitting a series clicks and whistles from his beard.

He has a pair of house slippers made from baby seal skins.

From April 23, 1980 until June 15, 1982 Bill traveled the globe writing the phrases “ya mum’s house” , “kiss my balls” , “Bill wuz here” , and “BMcD pwnz yoo” on every public restroom he came across.

Fig-3. What really killed the Crocodile Hunter.

***Thanks to Derelickt for the great research. He almost lost his life getting some of the close up pictures***