Just when I thought life couldn’t be weirder…

Every time I think about some of the weird stuff that floats thru my head, I sometimes say to myself “holy shit, I might need some professional helpz”. Then I take a look at Craigslist and I feel 100% better about my mental state.

Seriously, there’s some crazy ass mofos out there and browsing Craigslist will make you feel good about how not fucked up you are.

I have picked out some choice ads, let me show you it.

Illegal Love *wtf does the roommate do with the tampons?*

A Sure Thing? *Ok yall, I’ll give this guy credit. At least he knows she puts out.

Crazy Love * they might have something in common*

ummmm? *your guess is as good as mine…. but I’m more concerned about the neighbor with the stopwatch…*

Clueless *wow. just wow. Next time somebody tries to make you feel dumb about some shit, remember this and know that no matter how slow or clueless you might feel at the time, you are not the clueless wife from this ad*

Fair Request *This might be the most normal ad. Wu-Tang makes anything reasonable.

That was good. Look at this next.

The Interwebz wins again.

Every time the internet lets me down, and serves up piles of weak ass FAIL, I lose hope, then I come across a site like this , and all faith in the power of the internetz is restored. You are a commie bastard if you don’t like explotions and boobs.

…Girl, you aint heard?

I was looking around on the interwebs for… not shit. Anyways, I came across what I thought was one of the worst local TV commercials ever in the history of TV. But with clever use of implied nudity, a good down shirt partial boob shot, and 2 cute girls, I’m convinced it’s pure genius. I can’t stop looking at it, and I know where I would be on the 24th of May, if I lived in Orlando.

Everything is bad in this commercial, but the girls in it make me feel special in my pants area. The girl on the left is naked behind that paper. After they get done talking about the job fair, they make out hardcore style.

Favorite Fights

Anyone who knows me, knows that I freaking love movies with badass fight scenes in them. I have watched some super shitty movies, because I thought there might be a badass fight in it. I have even watched foreign movies, with no subtitles, because the fights were just that awesome.

So, today I am going to post up some of my favorite fight scenes. I’ll try to list the movie and actors for all of them, but some of the foreign joints are written in that super crazy writing style that looks like 100 stick men fighting, so I’ll do my best on those.

Oh yeah, if you have any fights I should go look at, let me know.. anyways, here we go, in no particular order:

Jackie Chan vs Benny “the Jet” Urquidez from the movie Wheels on Meals. This is made way before Jackie Chan was popular in the U.S. I saw this after I saw Rumble in the Bronx, and decided that Rumble was dumbed down for American audiences.

This is the last fight from Buddhist Fist. If you consider yourself a fan of Kung-fu movies, then you should see this, if you haven’t already. It’s some old-school work from director Yuen Wu Ping. this fight is Shun-Si Yuen vs Siu Ming Tsui. The story to the movie is actually very good too.

This is the end fight from Magic Crystal. Andy Lau and Cynthia Rathrock (yes, China O’Brein from the cheesey 80’s movies) VS Richard Norton. This movie is full of super dope scenes, but I love it because of how Norton works the hell out of the Japanese Sai. Also note Rathrock’s awesome form. She uses Eagle’s Claw and Mantis Fist early in the fight. Why didn’t she beat ass like this in the China O’Brein movies?Also, Norton busts out some classic Wing Chun too.

I need to start a new site just for fights that kick ass…. or something. There’s so much badass choreography out there.

Ok, last one goes to the ladies. One of my all time favorite female martial arts stars is Yukari Oshima. This is her as the badguy fighting Moon Lee in the movie Iron Angel

Stuff you should look at

I like stuff. I know you like stuff too. Here is some stuff that I like. Look at it.

Listen to this while you read some stuff. It’s a song made up of sampled youTube vids of people playing music. I know that sounds weak, but it’s dope as hell, so look at it.

Listen to the Slap-Chop dude kick it ‘84 style.

This stuff is so over the top, you’ll put on 10lbs just looking at the pictures

Rosario Dawson is super hot. I mean damn. I would fight 57 starrioded up gorillas just fot the chance to lightly tickle her upper ankle with a feather, while she spreads  baby oil and strawberry jam on my head and neck area with a wooden spoon.

A super dope Quentin Tarrentino mash-up.

One of the worst things I’ve seen on the interwebs today.

Feel better by looking at the epicness of these fails

Yall think I’m all tough all the time. I like cute stuff too…

Observations made in line at KFC

Best website that you better not look at while at work! (seriously, it’s NSFW at all)

Finding CarolinaHaze

I was thinking about some things in my past. I have not always been the upstanding human that I am today. At one point in my history, I was a bit of a bastard to women. Nothing criminal (well, some stolen CDs..) but crappy and mean spirited. I stumbled across this website called “I Bang the Worst Dudes“.

You can all breath a sigh of relief, I or any of my actions have not made it to that site. Take a look through there, you may see someone you know.

Note to young dudes: Don’t be a dick. Don’t be a cheap ass.

Ummmm….well..err…uhhh

Japan, WTF?

I’m just asking…

Good Damn TV

Real quick, yall. Here’s two shows that you should check out, when you get the chance.

1. Eastbound and Down.

It’s funny as hell. Takes place in Shelby, North Carolina (represent bitches). Will Farrel has a recurring character on the show, who looks like a skinny Ric Flair. Kenny Powers will be your new hero. Here are some clips from the first season….

C.R.E.A.M.

Show #2 is the definition of badass.

2. Deadliest Warrior. Scientists pick two warriors from all of Earth’s history and see who would win if they fought one on one. They gather up experts on the different fighting styles and then study their weapons and techniques. The show just started. Week one was Apache vs Gladiators.

Tonight’s match-up(as of Apr 14) is Viking vs Samurai. Yeah, I know, fucking awesome. What makes it even more awesome is that the experts from each fighting style are always about a hair away from really fighting. They talk shit to each other the entire show. Just look at what the hell they have lined up for future shows!!1!!oneoneone!!!

Pirate vs. Knight, Taliban vs. IRA, Yakuza vs. Mafia, Viking vs. Samurai, Green Beret vs. Spetznaz, Maori vs. Shaolin Monks, William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu and Ninja vs. Spartan! I’m about to pass out from badass overload.

Here is the beginning of the first episode.

Watch the full ep. here

Tuesday night at 10pm, don’t call me, because I’ll be watching this show.

People Feeling Special

Yall, this shit made me laugh my ass off, and the “backlash” made me laugh even more. Look at the comments and have a good laugh, or be sad for America’s masses. People are all getting mad about what one person (who they never met) said to another person (who they never met). Wow.

Listen to this, and then read this.

Here is the thing, in case you are a lazy bastard

The Rawest Dude You Never Heard Of vol 1

We all know of people who are badasses in real life. We have all seen some badassmotherfuckers in movies and T.V. I am going to start featuring some of these badasses. You should know about them. “Why?” you ask…. because everybody needs some inspiration from time to time.

Hopefully the folks I put up are going to be so raw animal badass, that you are inspired to go do something awesome, like scissor-kick somebody from off the top of a moving bus….

^this, because I couldn't find any pics of a guy flipping off a bus... and it's fucking badass.

……. or do a front flip over your desk at work and then jump out the window and land in your car… then do a burnout.. You might also be inspired to go do some community service and help out people less fortunate than yourself, you stingy bastard. (just kidding, but for realz… you know you got some money/time)

Anyways…..

Today’s badass is Cüneyt Arkin (don’t ask me how to pronounce that shit.) He is so badass he had to change his original name because people’s jaws were becoming disjointed trying to say it. It is Fahrettin Cüreklibatur. Seriously, that is a badass name. He is Turkish, and a movie star. He’s Turkish Luke Skywalker from Turkish Star Wars. This dude’s been in 300+ movies and directed about 25 or so.

He is on some real fight action too. One time a guy on the set of one of his movies said Cüneyt Arkin didn’t really know any martial arts, so Arkin broke the dude’s leg with a deadly karate move. He learned how to ride horses and flip around in the Russian Circus. He’s a doctor. Google this dude.

Here’s a short bio of this Turkish badass

1:00 is the some of the best evidence on film of what scientists like to call Beast Mode