Face Explosion

OK! Fight movie time!!

Tony Jaa is a little Thai dude who kicks serious ass. He was in the hit action movies Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong and the lesser known Ong Bak 2. Well he’s back with a new one coming out soon. Ong Bak 3. Yes you read that right. Almost 2 years after we were left with the cliffhanger ending of Ong Bak 2, 3 picks up right where 2 leaves off. I am very excited and ready to see some guys get their asses beaten off of the side of their faces. Really.

Here’s an early teaser

The story is pretty simple, I guess. I watched Ong Bak 2 in Thai, with no English subs, more than twice. The story is basic enough. Really tho, this is a fight movie. I’m sure the love story between him and the super hot chick is pretty good and full of clever dialog, or the reason he’s going on a buck wild killing frenzy is really compelling. I don’t care about all that. If this one has even half of the fight action that Ong Bak 2 has, I might die of Action Overload.

Do yourself a huge favor and find a copy of Ong Bak 2. Slap yourself for not seeing it sooner.

I would pay to see nothing but 90mins of him beating the crap out dudes all over the world (broken up every 15 mins with some shots of tits and asses). Tony Jaa, his choreographers and his stunt team are really doing some creative things in fight movies.

It’s like the male version of modern dance, except somebody gets fucked up pretty good. I have yet to watch a movie with Tony Jaa and not rewind during the middle of things. He’ll pull off some monster badass move and it needs to be seen again, just to take in how badass it is. REally. There’s a move in Ong Bak 2 that I can’t even describe fully, but I know there’s an elephant and a vampire backflipping chick and a double foot reverse dropkick…through the elephant’s tusks. Look at that trailer and how he stunt men are getting tossed around.

I’m all worked up now.

Interesting Finds

I was going through my hard drive, looking for something (I’m not 100% sure what it was to begin with) and I found some funny pictures. Some of them are pics I made, some are pics I had found from dicking around on the interwebs. If you want to know the origin of the pic, just ask. I’ll try to remember it.

So without further ado:

Pictures on my Hard Drive

OK this is good for now.

Soooo…. the reason you don’t have this is….?

OK y’all, click on this and look….. bask in the glory. After you’re done basking, download it and then support the artist. This shit is great! If you are skeptical and think IT’S A TRAP!!! I’ll leave you with this: Wu Tang vs The Beatles.

Nerd-girl Tits

So there’s a website out where all the models are girl nerds of some kind. D&D, gamers, whatever. That’s a pretty good idea. I wish I thought of it first.

Anyways, the site is called Pixle Vixens and it’s a pay site. If you want to pay to fap to some nerd chicks here’s the link.  I looked at the sample pics and well… I’ll put it like this: if you are a regular guy without any socially crippling problems, you can land girls that look like the Pixle Vixens.

The real draw for the site is that these girls are real nerds. None of the airbrushed silicone chicks dressed in a costume or posing next to a game system they probably never played.

I personally will not pay to join that site or any porno site. Seriously yall, it’s the internet. You must be new at the internet if you can’t find any free porn. The main reason I wouldn’t is because the chicks look pretty much like the regular chicks I bag already. I can’t fap to $ .99 burgers when I can just go out and get one. I would rather fap to this . Fucking $200.00 burger

the best burger in the world vs the most average burger in the world

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to date a nerd girl, but I can’t fap to stories of how regular looking girls like games and shit. Still, I think it’s a cool idea and they need our support.

Ass Sandwich

2010 is here, 2009 is in the books. Stuff in the mighty NC is pretty good. It’s super cold out which is strange for my part of the great state of North Carolina. When I say super cold…. well, when I walk my balls clink(stole that line from a song)

Anyways, Hey everyone (the one person who reads this ) I’m back from vacation.

This is for you, Broseph

This is a step-by-step giude for getting into .nrg .iso and any other crazy image files. This one is made specially for A!T member TigerGlock a.k.a. Young Bastard a.k.a. Niggum Smacks a.k.a. Wodie.

First go here once you get to that page, download DAEMON Tools Lite

click the circled shit on the homepage

*on the “Download” page, scroll down some to get to the DEAMON Tools Lite option.

Install DEAMON Tools. It will make a virtual drive on your PC. What that means is this: when you go to “My Computer” you will see an extra DVD drive listed like this…the underline is my virtual drive

Right-click the deamon tools icon on your toolbar and select the virtual drive

almost finished

When you highlight the virtual drive on that menu, a new set of options opens up…

last steps

Pick “Mount Image” and select your .nrg files. Once you do that, you can select the virtual drive in My Computer and access it as if you had a real CD in you CD drive. From there you can burn it to a disc or copy the actual contents to your HDD.

That should be it.

Movie You Need to See

I was talking about that newish movie Ninja Assasin with one of the ACTION! Team, KingKobra, and it got me to thinking about the best ninja movie I have ever seen. Keep in mind, when I say best, I mean THE BEST EVER. It’s my word so you know it’s true.

No, it’s not American Ninja or 9 Deaths of the Ninja, or Enter the Ninja or Ninja 3: The Domination* or any of those shitty dumbed down weak ninja movies. Don’t get me wrong, when I wasn’t watching hard core Shaw Bros. movies, I was at the theater watching Revenge of the Ninja or whatever hackey ninja movie that was out. But this one…. it’s the greatest of them all (until I see a better one).

The movie I speak of is Chinese Super Ninjas a.k.a. 5 Element Ninjas.

Fucking badass

I was going to post up a bunch of clips from it, but I will not. The action is too epic. I will say this; if you consider yourself to be a martial arts/ninja movie fan and you have not ever seen this movie, you fail.period.

Here’s some things that make it awesome:

1. It’s a Shaw Bros. movie.

2. It has the 5 Venoms in it.

3. Ninja teams who base their styles on 1 of 5 elements.

4. The action is out of this world.

I’ll stop at 4. I could go on, but you really need to check this out.

*I can’t front, Ninja 3: The Domination had a pretty badass set up. An evil ninja is out commiting crimes and gets shot to hell by the police. Before he dies, he sends his spirit into the body of a smokin hot(80’s) jazzersize instructor. She starts going crazy, then the ninja takes over and she starts killing the cops who originaly shot the evil ninja. It was just excecuted with the skill, precision and craftmanship of a monkey peeing into its own mouth and flinging dookey.

One of The Most Epic IMs Ever

I give you Fart Baby: The IM

Haze of Carolina (3:23:14 PM): i think i just gave this pregnant lady’s baby brain damage

kingkobra (3:23:24 PM): u farted?

Haze of Carolina (3:23:24 PM): i went into her office and farted a “had chilli at lunch” fart

kingkobra (3:23:33 PM): ew

Haze of Carolina (3:23:36 PM): it smelled like old beans and roast goat ass

kingkobra (3:24:28 PM): did she say anything?

Haze of Carolina (3:24:53 PM): no, but i think she was just afraid to open her mouth

kingkobra (3:25:03 PM): lol

Haze of Carolina (3:25:03 PM): her eyes started watering up

Haze of Carolina (3:25:16 PM): i left and closed the door behind me

kingkobra (3:25:28 PM): u my good sir…are a bastard

kingkobra (3:25:40 PM): that is something you do to people you hate

Haze of Carolina (3:26:02 PM): that’s for my co-workers. it’s a fun game we play

kingkobra (3:26:08 PM): lol

Haze of Carolina (3:26:15 PM): i do stuff to them and they get mad

kingkobra (3:26:25 PM): see how long you can stay in a room with a chili fart before you take your own life

Haze of Carolina (3:26:41 PM): lol

Haze of Carolina (3:28:23 PM): yes. i win. she sprayed herself in the face with some aerisol air freshener

kingkobra (3:29:13 PM): she might give birth to a baby that can create super farts

kingkobra (3:29:22 PM): kinda like falling in toxic waste

Haze of Carolina (3:34:20 PM): yes… or a baby that depends on farts to stay alive

kingkobra (3:34:47 PM): lol

kingkobra (3:34:51 PM): a fart breather

kingkobra (3:35:23 PM): he would need like a contraption that has a hose that runs from his but to his nostrils

Haze of Carolina (3:35:41 PM): people would have to harvest fart gas for him

Haze of Carolina (3:36:26 PM): 100s of whale and manatee asses all hooked up to fart tanks

kingkobra (3:37:09 PM): they would have a telethon for him…and people would contribute up to 100 farts

Haze of Carolina (3:38:40 PM): if he couldnt afford the tanks, he’d turn to a life of crime. instead of raping chicks, he feeds them broccoli and beans

kingkobra (3:39:26 PM): and he would recruit suicide bombers to hit the beano factories

Haze of Carolina (3:39:36 PM): lol

Haze of Carolina (3:39:52 PM): that might cause a fart holocaust

Haze of Carolina (3:40:15 PM): rot out the o-zone and send us into nuclear fart winter

kingkobra (3:40:20 PM): there would be a flatulent fallout

Haze of Carolina (3:40:24 PM): haahaa

Haze of Carolina (3:40:48 PM): the mutants wouldn’t be dangerous, they would just stink

kingkobra (3:44:22 PM): i wonder if a fart breather has gills?

kingkobra (3:44:37 PM): i kinda think of the thing from hell boy…that fish dude

Haze of Carolina (3:44:59 PM): maybe if he lives underwater he breathes shark farts

kingkobra (3:46:51 PM): and if his life of crime doesn’t pan out, he could cut a record deal by playing the butt trumpet

yes, there’s more to this one… to be continued…

You Remember This One?

I like watching movies, but lately Hollywood has been shitting on me. 2012? seriously? That boring ass Paranormal Activity… trash. G.I. Joe? That movie raped the shit out of the awesome that was the Real American Hero. Transformers 2… fucking crappy fx porn with a goat ass story thrown in. A planned remake of the Karate Kid? With Will Smith’s kid as Daniel-son… fucking garbage.

Outside of Zombieland, I have been super pissed after leaving the movies this year. So, I have been watching movies from back in the day that I remember loving. Some of them didn’t stand up to the test of time and I wanted to boot myself in the face for liking it back then (uuuggghhh pure fucking garbage). Then there where the “classics”. The movies that are still great and have aged quite well. Movies like The Dirty Dozen, Gremlins , Jaws, Drunken Master, just to name a few, have remained fantastic examples of badassedness. They never get old, and I can always watch them.

Anyways, I was thinking about some great movies from back in the day, and Flash Gordon poped into my head. I had not seen it in years and years. As I thought about it, all I really could remember was the main Flash Gordon theme song (penned by the mighty Queen). So, I found a copy and watched the movie. It was fantastic! The movie captures the camp and tone of the original serial comic strip perfectly. Hell, it’s got Timothy Dalton AND Brian Blessed in it!

Did I mention Queen did the soundtrack?!? The music for Flash Gordon rocks pretty fucking hard. Like make you want to get hyped up and fly a jet speeder into battle with winged warriors and attack a War Rocket manned by space warriors. YES!

In my humble opinion, of all the bullshit they pick to rape for more money with little effort “remake” I hope they leave this movie alone (which they probbably will…). This one is good as is.

Find this one at your local video store, or Netflix it. Get you some purple, some popcorn and a few friends and have a great time watching a classic fucking movie.

PHEWWWW!!!!!

I just took a dump at work, and it was epic. I was wearing a sweater, and had to take it, and my shirt underneath off, Costanza style. I think I crapped out (in no particular order) an inner tube, cinder block, a small cactus, every piece of gum I’ve ever swallowed in life and 4 chicken bones.

It was so massive, I floated off the seat when I was done. If anyone goes in there in the next half hour, they might die.